you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
