i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
