I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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