Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
