And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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