You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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