went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
