Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
