Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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