dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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