if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
