Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
