Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sober January is a disaster.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows