Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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