I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.