no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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