Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think I sprained my soul last night
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
