'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
