Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
