I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
