He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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