I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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