another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
