Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
