Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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