i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
