i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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