Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
