I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just cropdusted the office
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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