At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
