Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
