im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
