This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
