bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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