just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
