I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
