dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
