I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I made him laugh his dick is mine
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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