we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i was born a porn star she said
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
