Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
