im about as happy as oj after his trial
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
