Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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