it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
