so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
