omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
