My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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