youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
