He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
