cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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