Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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