what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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