turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
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She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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