Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
