Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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