So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
