he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize