why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
