i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
