What did we do last night that was yellow?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I smell like Dick and happiness
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
