remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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