Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
