Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
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He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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